And you feel as strongly about them as
you would about any other pet you may own, whether it’s a “pussy cat”, a “dog”,
a “rat”... or a “real turkey”.
Because usually, when we decide to “adopt”
a pet company, it’s because we already are share holders, customers, team
members, a former employee’s spouse or something similar.
Typically the adoption process begins
with giving this pet a name. Popular ones include, “The Good People at
[company], Damn [company]”, “Fantastic [company]”, “Isn't [company] Unbelievable?", “What
has [company]’s Management been Smoking?”… or something similar, which
expresses the endearment we feel towards our corporate “best friend”.
Fortune Magazine recently published
the results of their pole on the “Best Companies to Work for”. Almost 100,000
persons responded, resulting in the following “Top 10”, even if most people’s
“Teddy Bear” sometimes was another man’s “Skunk”:
|
1. Google 2. Quicken Loans 3. Wegmans Food Markets 4. Edward Jones 5. Genentech |
6. Cisco
Systems 7. Starbucks
9. Goldman Sachs 10. Methodist Hospital
System |
Similarly, asking 3,300+ executives, directors, and securities
analysts to select the 10 companies they admired most, yielded the following list
of corporate pets:
|
1. General Electric 2. Starbucks 3. Toyota Motor 4. Berkshire Hathaway 5. Southwest Airlines |
6. FedEx 7. Apple 8. Google 9. Johnson
& Johnson 10. Procter&
Gamble |
Of
course I have some pet companies of my own as well.
There’s the Geneva electric company
SIG, a real pussy cat. Despite their monopoly position, they work hard to get
everything right. Marketing, client service, billing, maintenance, THE WORKS! So
it’s not surprising either that they’re profitable like crazy.
Another one of my favorites is
easyJet, a “high flying bird” in every way. But then, from the Trojan horse to
Onassis to Stelios, the Greeks have always been good at transporting people and
things.
On the other hand, deep in my kennel,
there’s Sunrise one of our national Telephone providers (Switzerland). What a
dog… I can’t think of anything they’re doing right; and guess what, I’m not
alone.
Nor can I leave out “I Smell a Rat
ENRON”, “Lone Wolf Microsoft”, “Dinosaur General Motors” or that “Tortoise and
the Hare Google” !
And while we’re in full blown
“Anthropomorphism” (which, in non Super
Academic Geek, means projecting human characteristics/qualities onto nonhuman
beings, inanimate objects, or natural/supernatural phenomena), let’s not
forget the “Mouse that Roared, and Keeps Roaring Ever-Louder, Apple”.
There’s a German saying that goes, “My
dog’s so spoiled he has a pet dog of his own”. So, not surprisingly, companies also have
their pets. And I don’t mean ones like Kellogg’s “Tony the “Tiger” or the venerable
Dreyfus Fund “Lion”.
I’m thinking of Georgia Pacific’s droopy-eyed
watch dog “Compliance”, Dupont de Nemours’ mother hen “safety”, Swiss Banking
giant UBS’s Monkey “Speak no evil”. In fact … bank secrecy oblige… he’s not allowed to speak at all.
Admittedly
we’re being cute here about something that isn’t always innocuous. But I’d
really appreciate to hear back from you about your own Pet Companies, or about Companies’
Pets that have barked at or bitten you.
So,
thanks for using the “Add Comment” link just below to praise your own personal “Best
of Breed… and/or to “sock it” to the “Booby Prize Winners” !
Yet, if properly used, they can save
everybody a lot of time. Think about it.
When you want to describe something
clearly, but without writing a 5 page report, a good stereotype can be very helpful.
I’ll prove it to you…
An anonymous but astute social
observer over here (in Europe) was recently quoted in the media.
“Heaven”
he said, “Is where the restaurant chefs are French, the policemen are British,
the automobile mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian… and everything is
organized by the Swiss”.
“Hell
on the other hand, is where the chefs are British, the policemen are German,
the automobile mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss… and everything is
organized by the Italians”.
Now, if like me you’ve had the
opportunity to spend time in any of those truly wonderful countries, you’ll
easily agree on how accurate these observations truly are.
And, if additionally, you’re talented
enough to have grown very rich, stereotype
oblige, you long ago salted your wealth into one of those numbered Swiss
bank accounts.
So,
whether you’re planning to vacation in Europe, or just coming here to visit
your money, feel free to use few tried
and true stereotypes when setting your
expectations.
They’re probably true; and think of
the time you’ll save !
I think I found the perfect one. Hardly any qualifications are required, just…
Hey I can do that! And the benefits, WOW!!!
Thanks guys, where do I sign?
But to my disappointment as I read on, turns out I’m not the only one interested in that position.
First, there’s this lady from New York (the one whose hubby once said, “I never, ever, had sex with… ”). Well she’s not really from New York, although she sometimes lives there now.
Then there’s also this Hawaiian “dude” (surf’s up!), or is he from Chicago? He’s also already been short-listed for the job.
Okay, so what. The job description doesn’t sound that good anyway:
Still it made me think about different things I’d read…
Like that Chief Justice John Marshall once said, “A corporation is an artificial being […] and may act as a single individual.” Or Black’s Law Dictionary (6th Edition, 1991), which defines corporations as, “An artificial person […] created by, or under the authority of, the laws of the state”. And let’s not forget Wex, everyone's resource for law learning, which says “The law treats a corporation as a legal "person"
Well after all, the U.S. Supreme Court in its milestone 1886 ruling on Santa Clara County vs. Southern Pacific Railroad did determine that a corporation was indeed a person!
Also makes me wonder… if events hadn’t caught up with the company when they did… could Enron have run for president?
Similarly, in the United Kingdom, could the Cadbury Chocolate Company go on to become the Queen’s Prime Minister (e.g., “the PM that melts in your mouth, never on your hands”)?
Or in France, could Renault (Megane automobile manufacturer, “shake that ass, shake that ass”) one day head up the French Government? Indeed, some evil mouthed observers might pretend that it already does.
However despite such cynics, the answer to both of these questions is, “probably not”, even if the legal systems’ equivocation of corporations and people leaves room for some speculation.
For example, if god “created Man […]”, then are a corporation’s shareholders gods? They certainly sometimes seem to behave as if they thought they were.
And which is the greater truth?
Is it that corporations develop according to some unseen master plan set into motion by their creators; or is it that they continue to evolve until only the fittest have survived?
Perhaps we’ll never really know.
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Sure, there are those showcase super seniors you see on
Discovery Chanel or in the Guinness Book of Records. Those living marvels
approaching 99 years old and still spending
their winter weekends skiing and summer Sundays horseback riding… or
doing something else equally unlikely. I even see them myself from time-to-time
when I’m on the slopes or bridle paths…
Like Milburn
Hart (USA) who made her solo parachute jump near Bremerton National Airport,
Washington, USA, on 18th February 2005 at
the age of 96 years 63 days.
Or Ed Alofs
(Netherlands, b. 13th February 1902) who competed in the 1997 Compaq World
Putting Championships at Orlando, Florida, USA, from 29th November to 1st
December 1997, at the age of 95 years 289
days.
Not to leave out Leslie
Brittan (b. 17th March 1905) from Blackheath, London, UK who has been a
life-long bowler and was Club President of Woolwich and Plumstead Bowling Club
in his centenary year.
Additionally,
there are those heavy patina golden boys and girls who at 90+ still put in a
full work week…
Like Jack Tucker (USA,
b. 25th April 1914) who has been - and probably is - writing a regular theatre
column for the West County Weekly newspaper in Richnome California, USA since
May 1994.
Or Romanian professional
pianist Cella Delavrancea (1887-1991) who gave her last public recital, with
six encores, aged 103 - the
oldest ever professional piano player.
Also, I just read that
a 93-year-old former vicar has become the oldest person in the world to gain a
PhD. Reverend Edgar Dowse, from Isleworth, west London, received a doctorate
from the London School of Theology, whose degrees are validated by Brunel
University. The father-of-two, who does not own a computer, dictated his thesis
and already held six other degrees.
Nor
do I want to become one of those miracles of modern medicine who get teeth
implanted in their 90s…
Similarly, Herbert
Carrington (USA, b. 17th October 1998) who on 10th June 1993, received a
Medtronic Hancock II Tissue valve, aged
94 years 129 days. BTW the valve was still working on 15th June
2005 when he was aged 106 years 134 days (good job Medtronics!).
Sincerely,
I also promise not to start any important new life projects once I’m past 100…
Like Minnie Munro
(Australia), aged 102, who married
Dudley Reid, 83 on 31st May 1991 - a man who, despite his own advanced age was none
the less young enough to be her son. The marriage took place at Point
Clare, New South Wales, Australia.
After
all, considering the future of Social Security, AVS (or whatever your particular
national pension system is called), it can be argued that the implementation of
systematic “humane euthanasia” beyond a certain age will constitute social progress…
not only an economic imperative.
But
where to begin?
It’s not unfair to say
that mainstream corporate culture today is dominated by individuals in their
early 30s; and this group’s “common wisdom” largely holds that their colleagues
past age 45 have exceeded useful productive business life.
This may or may not be
true, even if average human biological life expectancy worldwide as recently as
in 1900 is estimated to have been about 31 years, and in the Middle Ages was
20-30.
Even today, particularly
in the light of current trends towards ever earlier retirement - albeit largely
involuntary - it’s “fair” to say that biologically we human beings are well
past our “prime” by age 35. Although – as a rule - individuals in their mid to
late 30s are loathe to admitting this.
Therefore, there are
valid arguments for implementing systematic “humane euthanasia” at age 35.
After all, not only
would this “enlightened” practice entirely eradicate the social injustice of age
discrimination in the work place, but also the depletion of “social safety nets”
such as medical insurance, unemployment benefits and national pension systems.
Further, considering
the current demographic structure of the “Western World”, increasingly
top-heavy with senior citizens as a result of the post World War II baby boom,
starting “humane euthanasia” at the bottom of the inverted pyramid – say at age
35 – and working up the age scale would certainly be the most reasonable
practice… Especially since the older age groups are a “problem” that tends to
correct itself through natural causes.
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