If you’re anything like me you probably have at least one pet company.

And you feel as strongly about them as you would about any other pet you may own, whether it’s a “pussy cat”, a “dog”, a “rat”... or a “real turkey”.

Because usually, when we decide to “adopt” a pet company, it’s because we already are share holders, customers, team members, a former employee’s spouse or something similar.

Typically the adoption process begins with giving this pet a name. Popular ones include, “The Good People at [company], Damn [company]”, “Fantastic [company]”, “Isn't [company] Unbelievable?", “What has [company]’s Management been Smoking?”… or something similar, which expresses the endearment we feel towards our corporate “best friend”.

Fortune Magazine recently published the results of their pole on the “Best Companies to Work for”. Almost 100,000 persons responded, resulting in the following “Top 10”, even if most people’s “Teddy Bear” sometimes was another man’s “Skunk”:

Similarly, asking 3,300+ executives, directors, and securities analysts to select the 10 companies they admired most, yielded the following list of corporate pets:

Of course I have some pet companies of my own as well.

There’s the Geneva electric company SIG, a real pussy cat. Despite their monopoly position, they work hard to get everything right. Marketing, client service, billing, maintenance, THE WORKS! So it’s not surprising either that they’re profitable like crazy.

Another one of my favorites is easyJet, a “high flying bird” in every way. But then, from the Trojan horse to Onassis to Stelios, the Greeks have always been good at transporting people and things.

On the other hand, deep in my kennel, there’s Sunrise one of our national Telephone providers (Switzerland). What a dog… I can’t think of anything they’re doing right; and guess what, I’m not alone.

Nor can I leave out “I Smell a Rat ENRON”, “Lone Wolf Microsoft”, “Dinosaur General Motors” or that “Tortoise and the Hare Google” !

And while we’re in full blown “Anthropomorphism” (which, in non Super Academic Geek, means projecting human characteristics/qualities onto nonhuman beings, inanimate objects, or natural/supernatural phenomena), let’s not forget the “Mouse that Roared, and Keeps Roaring Ever-Louder, Apple”.

There’s a German saying that goes, “My dog’s so spoiled he has a pet dog of his own”.  So, not surprisingly, companies also have their pets. And I don’t mean ones like Kellogg’s “Tony the “Tiger” or the venerable Dreyfus Fund “Lion”.

I’m thinking of Georgia Pacific’s droopy-eyed watch dog “Compliance”, Dupont de Nemours’ mother hen “safety”, Swiss Banking giant UBS’s Monkey “Speak no evil”. In fact … bank secrecy oblige… he’s not allowed to speak at all.

Admittedly we’re being cute here about something that isn’t always innocuous. But I’d really appreciate to hear back from you about your own Pet Companies, or about Companies’ Pets that have barked at or bitten you.

So, thanks for using the “Add Comment” link just below to praise your own personal “Best of Breed… and/or to “sock it” to the “Booby Prize Winners” !

Yet, if properly used, they can save everybody a lot of time. Think about it.

When you want to describe something clearly, but without writing a 5 page report, a good stereotype can be very helpful.

I’ll prove it to you…

An anonymous but astute social observer over here (in Europe) was recently quoted in the media.  

“Heaven” he said, “Is where the restaurant chefs are French, the policemen are British, the automobile mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian… and everything is organized by the Swiss”.

“Hell on the other hand, is where the chefs are British, the policemen are German, the automobile mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss… and everything is organized by the Italians”.

Now, if like me you’ve had the opportunity to spend time in any of those truly wonderful countries, you’ll easily agree on how accurate these observations truly are.

And, if additionally, you’re talented enough to have grown very rich, stereotype oblige, you long ago salted your wealth into one of those numbered Swiss bank accounts.

So, whether you’re planning to vacation in Europe, or just coming here to visit your money, feel free to use few  tried and true stereotypes when setting  your expectations.

They’re probably true; and think of the time you’ll save !

I’m always up for making a positive career change. So the other day I did some serious Googling to see what kind of opportunities might be out there.

I think I found the perfect one. Hardly any qualifications are required, just…

• Minimum age 35 years old
• Be a natural-born U.S. citizen (but will be considered even if born abroad, as long as both parents are American).
• Must have resided in the United States for at least 14 years (but not necessarily the past 14 ones).

Hey I can do that! And the benefits, WOW!!!

• Nice house, plus vacation estate
• Room, board, fine chef and housekeeping staff
• Annual salary $400,000
• Travel & expense accounts $150,000
• Personal Jet
• EXCELLENT pension plan

Thanks guys, where do I sign?

But to my disappointment as I read on, turns out I’m not the only one interested in that position.

First, there’s this lady from New York (the one whose hubby once said, “I never, ever, had sex with… ”). Well she’s not really from New York, although she sometimes lives there now.

Then there’s also this Hawaiian “dude” (surf’s up!), or is he from Chicago? He’s also already been short-listed for the job.

Okay, so what. The job description doesn’t sound that good anyway:

• Order commissions that turn boys into ”officers and gentlemen”… and girls too
• Grant reprieves and pardons for federal offenses (except impeachment)
• Convene Congress in special sessions
• Receive – as well as name - ambassadors
• Take care that the laws be faithfully executed
• Wield the "executive power"
• Appoint officials to lesser offices
• Serve as Commander in Chief of the Nation’s Armed Forces

Still it made me think about different things I’d read…

Like that Chief Justice John Marshall once said, “A corporation is an artificial being […] and may act as a single individual.” Or Black’s Law Dictionary (6th Edition, 1991), which defines corporations as, “An artificial person […] created by, or under the authority of, the laws of the state”. And let’s not forget Wex, everyone's resource for law learning, which says “The law treats a corporation as a legal "person"

Well after all, the U.S. Supreme Court in its milestone 1886 ruling on Santa Clara County vs. Southern Pacific Railroad did determine that a corporation was indeed a person!

Also makes me wonder… if events hadn’t caught up with the company when they did… could Enron have run for president?

Similarly, in the United Kingdom, could the Cadbury Chocolate Company go on to become the Queen’s Prime Minister (e.g., “the PM that melts in your mouth, never on your hands”)?

Or in France, could Renault (Megane automobile manufacturer, “shake that ass, shake that ass”) one day head up the French Government? Indeed, some evil mouthed observers might pretend that it already does.

However despite such cynics, the answer to both of these questions is, “probably not”, even if the legal systems’ equivocation of corporations and people leaves room for some speculation.

For example, if god “created Man […]”, then are a corporation’s shareholders gods? They certainly sometimes seem to behave as if they thought they were.

And which is the greater truth?

Is it that corporations develop according to some unseen master plan set into motion by their creators; or is it that they continue to evolve until only the fittest have survived?

Perhaps we’ll never really know.

Sure, there are those showcase super seniors you see on Discovery Chanel or in the Guinness Book of Records. Those living marvels approaching 99 years old and still spending  their winter weekends skiing and summer Sundays horseback riding… or doing something else equally unlikely. I even see them myself from time-to-time when I’m on the slopes or bridle paths…

Like Milburn Hart (USA) who made her solo parachute jump near Bremerton National Airport, Washington, USA, on 18th February 2005 at the age of 96 years 63 days.

Or Ed Alofs (Netherlands, b. 13th February 1902) who competed in the 1997 Compaq World Putting Championships at Orlando, Florida, USA, from 29th November to 1st December 1997, at the age of 95 years 289 days.

Not to leave out Leslie Brittan (b. 17th March 1905) from Blackheath, London, UK who has been a life-long bowler and was Club President of Woolwich and Plumstead Bowling Club in his centenary year.

Additionally, there are those heavy patina golden boys and girls who at 90+ still put in a full work week…

Like Jack Tucker (USA, b. 25th April 1914) who has been - and probably is - writing a regular theatre column for the West County Weekly newspaper in Richnome California, USA since May 1994.

Or Romanian professional pianist Cella Delavrancea (1887-1991) who gave her last public recital, with six encores, aged 103 - the oldest ever professional piano player.

Also, I just read that a 93-year-old former vicar has become the oldest person in the world to gain a PhD. Reverend Edgar Dowse, from Isleworth, west London, received a doctorate from the London School of Theology, whose degrees are validated by Brunel University. The father-of-two, who does not own a computer, dictated his thesis and already held six other degrees.

Nor do I want to become one of those miracles of modern medicine who get teeth implanted in their 90s… 

Similarly, Herbert Carrington (USA, b. 17th October 1998) who on 10th June 1993, received a Medtronic Hancock II Tissue valve, aged 94 years 129 days.  BTW the valve was still working on 15th June 2005 when he was aged 106 years 134 days (good job Medtronics!).

Sincerely, I also promise not to start any important new life projects once I’m past 100…

Like Minnie Munro (Australia), aged 102, who married Dudley Reid, 83 on 31st May 1991 - a man who, despite his own advanced age was none the less young enough to be her son.  The marriage took place at Point Clare, New South Wales, Australia.

After all, considering the future of Social Security, AVS (or whatever your particular national pension system is called), it can be argued that the implementation of systematic “humane euthanasia” beyond a certain age will constitute social progress… not only an economic imperative.

But where to begin? 

It’s not unfair to say that mainstream corporate culture today is dominated by individuals in their early 30s; and this group’s “common wisdom” largely holds that their colleagues past age 45 have exceeded useful productive business life.

This may or may not be true, even if average human biological life expectancy worldwide as recently as in 1900 is estimated to have been about 31 years, and in the Middle Ages was 20-30.

Even today, particularly in the light of current trends towards ever earlier retirement - albeit largely involuntary - it’s “fair” to say that biologically we human beings are well past our “prime” by age 35. Although – as a rule - individuals in their mid to late 30s are loathe to admitting this.

Therefore, there are valid arguments for implementing systematic “humane euthanasia” at age 35.

After all, not only would this “enlightened” practice entirely eradicate the social injustice of age discrimination in the work place, but also the depletion of “social safety nets” such as medical insurance, unemployment benefits and national pension systems.

Further, considering the current demographic structure of the “Western World”, increasingly top-heavy with senior citizens as a result of the post World War II baby boom, starting “humane euthanasia” at the bottom of the inverted pyramid – say at age 35 – and working up the age scale would certainly be the most reasonable practice… Especially since the older age groups are a “problem” that tends to correct itself through natural causes.